One of my favorite things is getting to know someone. Anyone. Whether it be someone who has already been in my life or someone new. It’s exciting, it’s new, it’s fun. It’s fun to discover that you genuinely enjoy talking to this person. Listening to them. Being with them. No matter who they end up being to you…they are now known by you. Do you truly know the people in your life? Or do you call them friends because you’ve hung out with them a couple of times. I feel like we all take each other for granted. We, human beings, are so interesting. We all have so much to offer and to tell. Don’t waste time forgetting to get to know one another. It’s one of the most precious gifts we were given in our lives…each other. So speak, listen, and open your hearts to a life other than your own. You’ll be surprised what you can learn from them. And how they can change your life. Sometimes in the most wonderful way.
The life we breathe...
What’s meant to be will always find it’s way
We are all meant for different things. We are meant for different people. People come and go in life. Sometimes it’s hard to tell in the moment which ones will stay. But sometimes you just know. Even if they aren’t close to you. If you don’t see each other often or rarely speak to each other…they will always be there. Those are my favorite people. That people that understand what you have together. No words necessary, although sometimes you feel the need to say how much you love that about them.
Sometimes I get scared that I’m losing someone. But you realize it’s time to let go. And maybe, just maybe…they’ll be one of those people. And if not, then..it is what it is I guess. It just wasn’t right. Besides, people change, shit happens-blah blah blah. It’s too stressful to try to hold on to someone when all they’re doing is pulling away. Or even just too wrapped up in another life that doesn’t involve you. But I also don’t hold grudges. Always thought it was a waste of time, a waste of life that could be better spent. So to those I love that have drifted or begun to drift, I am here. Let’s just see what life decides to do with us. As for now, just be happy. 
The ending is bittersweet. I’m happy to leave it on a good note. Good memories and good people. But sad to see it go. I love these people. They’ve become my family. Unfortunately it was temporary. But I can honestly say it’s an experience that I will never forget. Aside from the large amount of time we spent together, there is something about doing a run of a show that creates such a wonderful bond. You become a family on AND off stage. It’s the magic of theatre. It’s just so much fun. It’s going to be really hard to let go. But let’s do everything we can tomorrow to make this last show the best we have ever had. And let’s make it memorable! I LOVE YOU GUYS. Holy shit. You’ve really made an impact on my life. XoXo
I find myself constantly trying to convince myself that ‘everything happens for a reason’. I believe in that saying. I think. Or maybe I just desperately want to. I do believe people are put in your life for a reason. It could be to teach you, to use you, to love you, etc. But there’s a purpose for all of it. Even though it’s hard to stay positive when things are tough or not so great for you… you try to focus on believing that it will all work out the way it’s supposed to. Which obviously isn’t always the way you want. But life is unexpected. And you have to trust it. And one day things will fall into place. However that may be.
So finally I’m in bed for the first time in MONTHS by 10pm. And my mind won’t stop. My window behind my bed was open and I kept hearing the wind blow the trees and I looked out for a second and saw a few lights on in a couple of buildings nearby. I can’t help but wonder what everyone is doing. People I don’t know, people I know. I wonder if anyone is thinking about me. Or if anyone I know is feeling lonely. Or maybe someone right now is having a huge epiphany in their life. The biggest one so far that will change everything. Maybe there is someone out there I’ve never met who is thinking the same thing. I dunno. Makes you think. This world is so big. And we all have so much time ahead of us. It’s crazy to think of what I will be doing a month from now, 6 months from now. Who will be a part of my life and who won’t. It’s part of the unknown. And I love that. It’s exciting.
Something I’m proud of is being honest with myself and the people who surround me. But being honest with yourself is easier said than done. I feel as though a lot of people assume that because the thoughts are in your head that you have no need to let them out. Saying what you need to say is important. I think it’s also about timing and having the balls to say it. But for me, in the long run…laying it all out on the line is something I will never regret. At moments, it’s hard. Or awkward. Or just makes you feel stupid. But truth is, overall you feel relieved. Being trapped in your own mind isn’t fun. We’re too judgmental of ourselves. But everyone respects the truth. And the more you avoid it… the farther you dig that hole, and the longer it takes to crawl out. But don’t linger. It is what it is. You express yourself, you take what’s being given back, and you move on…whatever the case. You can’t be afraid of your own mind. Why waste that time being afraid of it, and let something new and important pass by? You never know…
You are good enough. Believe it.
Spring Awakening
I just love it so much. I love to create a character and make a story come to life on stage for different audiences. I love meeting new people and making memories. Sometimes this world seems so small and other times it seems so big. To meet people that also love doing what you love doing. And to have the opportunity to share and perform together. I love my life but it’s been fun to have something that seemed so separate from every day life. Going to rehearsals with people that don’t have anything to do with what I do every day. It’s almost a chance to start new. It makes you wonder. Because eventually this experience will end. It has to and it’s bittersweet. But I suppose that’s life and that’s living. But I wonder which things I will bring with me when it ends. Aside from the memories, of course. You hope it’s everything, but it’s rare. But for now, it’s happening. And it’s wonderful. And we all still have time. And it feels good.
2012
Here it is. The chance to start fresh, to create new and exciting goals. Work your ass off until you get there. Love the most you’ve ever loved. And live this life to the fullest. You always have another chance to better yourself…to be what you want to be. So go do it. I think we all sometimes assume the new year will just automatically bring us change. We think hey, if this is the year of change it will fall into my lap. But it’s about working hard for what you want. I’ve learned that one of the most rewarding feelings is making things happen. I truly wish everyone the best. I want my friends and family to thrive. I wish true happiness for everyone deserving. Happy new year, everyone. May 2012 bring you everything you are hoping for.
I enjoy that love is a gift. Loving things, people, life. Loving love. Right now I’m loving the simple act of love. Because of my family. Every single one of them. No matter what. Family can go through the worst of the worst but still love each other. Because that’s what family does. It’s safe. It’s home. It’s forgiveness and acceptance. It’s honesty and trust. I am grateful for that.
I love my family. No matter what. To love them isn’t a chore. It is privilege. I love you no matter what.
